


Dirty Caps Are Dirty

by LeLibre



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Music, Christmas Party, Les Amis de l'ABC Shenanigans, Multi, ily Emilia, some drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28322373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeLibre/pseuds/LeLibre
Summary: Combeferre decorates, music is played, people get drunk, and Grantaire tells a story.
Relationships: Combeferre/Courfeyrac (Les Misérables), Enjolras/Grantaire (Les Misérables), Joly/Bossuet Laigle/Musichetta, Montparnasse/Jean Prouvaire
Kudos: 11





	Dirty Caps Are Dirty

**Author's Note:**

  * For [warningfandomobsessed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/warningfandomobsessed/gifts).



Combeferre was seated at the end of the long table in the backroom of the musian, watching as Courfeyrac hung up string lights, “Babe?” he called, leaning on his hand, “Please don’t fall on your face. Be a shame if you ruined it.”   
Courfeyrac laughed while connecting two strings, “It’s fine, everyone will be here in a few minutes anyway, and then someone else can do it. Come on, love, help me down.”   
The first of the bunch to arrive was Jehan, who was wearing overalls over a green sweater, with ivy braided into their hair, “Parnasse couldn’t make it, he had to work, I hope that doesn’t break you guys’ hearts too bad.”   
Courf laughed, “You are absolutely fine, I promise. Send him our love, everyone else should be here soon.”   
Jehan grinned, “What’s on the agenda for tonight? Yearly Grantaire tells a Christmas story? He just hit six months of sobriety, so maybe it will be the actual story this year.”   
Combeferre laughed, having moved to the top of the table, “I don’t really know, I’m just planning on relaxing and letting life happen.”   
Courfeyrac kissed his boyfriend’s forehead, “Good outlook to have, love>”   
And with that, the bell sitting atop the backroom door rang, and in came everybody’s functionally dysfunctional couple, Enjolras and Grantaire. Enjolras was wearing a sweater made to look like a santa suit, while Grantaire’s sweater was meant to look like a christmas tree, within seconds of seeing them, the entire room was in stitches.   
Enjolras’ previously soft face hardened again, “What is so funny to you?”   
Grantaire kissed Enj’s cheek, “Don’t sweat it babe.”   
Enjolras rolled his eyes, and looked around at the decorations, and his face returned to its previously soft position, “This is wonderful Courf! Amazing job.”   
Courf grinned ear to ear, “Thank you!”   
And with that the bell rang again, and in poured the rest of the group. Each in various disgustingly festive outfits.  
“Alright nerds!” Gavroche yelled, standing on the table, “First activity of the joyous ABC Holiday party, time to taste cookies, you will be judged by an impartial judge! Me! Present your cookies! JBM you are first.”   
Bossuet cleared his throat, “We made six batches in total, the batter, made by my darling partner, was never not good. Alas, every fucking (“Language!” called Enjolras , who Gavroche had for sure heard call someone a cunt) one of them burned. So here we are, several attempts later. Here is some dough, it’s eggless, Joly thinks he is allergic. Also no flour. So this hopefully won’t kill you.”   
Gavroche took a bite, “Presentation and decoration get 0, taste gets a 8.7, and creativity gets a 3.3 out of 5. This brings your total to 11 out of 25. Maybe next year. Up next, Jehan.”  
Jehan placed their cookies, which had been made to look like holly and ivy, in front of Gavroche. The berries had been made of tiny chopped up peppermint.  
Gavroche took a bite, “I wish the peppermint had been better secured, it made the bite fairly uneven compared to the softness of the cookie. They look pretty though. Presentation and decoration get a 8.3, taste gets a 5.3, and creativity a 4.4. Overall score is 18 out of 25, I’m proud of you, much better than last year. Enj and Grantaire”  
Jehan exhaled as Enjolras and Grantaire set down their elaborate set up, “So basically, this cookie is Scrooge, and the other three cookies are each of the ghosts. We have frosted the bottom to be representative of each period. We also have the Cratcher’s, and at the edge you can see Tiny Tim on Scrooge’s soldiers,” Enjolras said.   
Gavroche took a bite, and his eyes lit up, “25. No further comment. Oh darling big sister!”  
Eponine grumbled and put hers down, “I already know what you’re gonna say.”   
Gavroche took a bite, and then spit it out, “0. This is shit.”  
Eponine picked it back up, “Impartial my ass. You want Santa to bring you stuff?”   
Feuilly was up next, and his Poland cookies had earned him an impressive 16, having lost points on not being able to fully explain the connection to any holiday in particular, other than “People in Poland celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas”. Bahorel’s cookies were quite clearly from the Pillsbury Dough Box, he got a 3, only for taste. Combeferre and Courf had declined to participate on account of their decoration duty.   
Now that the competition of the night was over, it was the time they had agreed would be social hour, and the party would end as usual with Grantaire’s grand storytime. Jehan ran to the back of the back room, where a small keyboard sat inexplicably. They casually began to play, beginning with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”. Enjolras took Grantaire’s hand and pulled him into a slow dance. In the corner Courfeyrac and Combeferre made themselves piles of cookies, calling over Feuilly. Bahorel followed.   
Joly, Bossuet and Musichetta sat at another end of the table, Chetta spread out across the two boys’ lap. Gavroche and Eponine, who wanted to chat but knew what their yearly duty was, negan to set up the small corner where it was expected that Grantaire would tell his story. They had a (relatively small) tree to set up, cushions to place. Gavroche pulled the box of ornaments out from Eponine’s backpack, “Jehan!” he called   
Jehan snapped out of the daze that their music had pulled them into, “What’s up?”   
Gavroche grinned, “Would you do me the honor of decorating the 2020 ornament?”   
Jehan stood, “Someone take over music!”  
Enjolras flew into the seat, “Let’s see how my years of piano lessons actually served me.”   
Grantaire groaned, sliding next to his boyfriend, “The fucking bourgeoise man.”   
Enjolras began to play “Baby It’s Cold Outside”, before Grantaire stopped him to ask him about the cancelling of the song, to which Enj replied with a rant about how it’s actually a song about the sexual liberation movement, to which Bahorel stood up and yelled, “play the damn song!” as well as “who spiked the fucking punch”.   
Grantaire kissed his boyfriend, “You’re so sexy when you rant about the sexual liberation movement.”  
And with that, Enjorlas began to play again, singing softly with Grantaire. Meanwhile at the JBM clump, which had migrated to join the Courferre, Bahorel and Feuilly, they had popped on a bad Hallmark movie, and were playing a drinking game. The rules include having to drink every time they say the magic of Christmas, every time generic white guy looks at generic white girl, and every time it’s clear they want to fuck but the laws of whatever weird world they live in say one must wait until both parties understand the magic of Christmas.   
Jehan was giggling, clearly sipping something more than punch, as they designed the 2020 ornament, which was just covered in various vines, “2020 is a very circular year, it lends itself to greenery well.”   
Eponine grinned at them, glancing at Gav, who was standing on the top of the chair meant for Grantaire, and if we are being honest, Enjorlas, “What the fuck at you doing, you little rat?” she sipped her own drink.   
“I am going to set the mistletoe up, so that Enjorlas will feel compelled to kiss Grantaire, making story time more interesting, duh.”  
Eponine signed, “I admire your effort, kid.”   
Enjorlas and Grantaire had been evicted from their seat at the piano, in favor of Jehan, who had finished painting their ornament. They messily hit the keys to make some semblance of “Blue Christmas” from the old “Santa Claus is coming to Town” movie.   
Enjorlas, whose hand was resting on Grantaire’s back grinned, “I love that movie.”  
“Really? I thought you would hate it considering it contributes to the commercialism of a holiday that you participate in for commercialism and not because you are fully invested in the religion.”   
Enjorlas rolled his eyes, “Well, I like the framing of the story being we got Christmas and Santa Claus as a rebellion against a dictator. The Burgermiester Meisterburger was a fucked up dude you know. Which story are you doing this year?”   
“I’m thinking A Christmas Carol,” Grantaire grinned, “I remember pretty well, I think I can cut it down to less than an hour. We only have this room until 9:30, and it’s nearing 8.”   
As if on cue, Gavroche stood on the table, “Nerds! It’s time to hear a story from Grantaire.”  
Grantaire gave everyone else, in various states of intoxication, a moment to get to their seats. Once he could reasonably assume everyone else was seated for good, he walked over to Enjolras, who had been seated in the chair he would tell the story in it, Enjolras kissed him as he sat down, pointing to the mistletoe, “Tell them what you’ll be teaching tonight.”   
“A Christmas Carol. You all remember parts of it, but not all the details, the good news is, neither do I! Shall we start?” Grantaire took a deep breath, “Marley was dead, to begin with. Marley had died nearly 7 years prior, leaving his partner, Scrooge all alone to deal with their business.”   
Enjorlas whispered into Grantaire’s ear, “Kiss me if Scrooge is a dirty capitalist,” to which Grantaire kissed him, launching back into the story:   
“Scrooge hated Christmas, he viewed it as far too merry, and loved money too much to ever part with it. He was sitting at his desk, counting money when his clerk, Bob Crachit, came up to him to ask him for some extra coal, on account of it being so cold, Scrooge denied him, sending Bob back to his seat, when in bursts Scrooge’s nephew, the kindhearted Fred.”   
Jehan raised their hand, which prompted Grantaire to pause, “You guys know the muppet version of this? The Fred in that was my gay awakening, continue please.”   
“Fred invited Scrooge to his house for Christmas, which prompts Scrooge to ask: ‘WHat reason have you to be merry? You’re poor enough.’ Fred, who was well aware of Scrooge’s bullshit, replies with, ‘What reason have you to be miserable? You’re rich enough.’ Scrooge is not amused, and asks Fred why he got married, Fred tells him he fell in love. After enough bickering, the kind hearted Fred leaves making a point to wish Bob a merry Christmas.”  
Gavroche, who, save for the storyteller and his boyfriend, was the only sober member of the party, poised an important question, “Do you think Scrooge was, you know” he made his wrist go limp.   
Combeferre started laughing, “He and Marley were ‘Business Partners’,” he made a point to put long exaggerated air quotes around the phrase.   
Enjorlas buried his face in Grantaire’s shoulder, trying to hide his amused look. Jehan had curled up against Eponine, both of them fast asleep, “Damn, those two were lightweights,” Joly whispered.   
Boss shook his head, “They both work retail so I doubt it’s the alc, I do not envy them.”   
Musichetta, who was either hearing this story for the first time, or was drunk enough to have forgotten, shushed all of them.   
Grantaire grinned, “After that, a caroler comes to the door, he’s not there for anything other than to show you just how much a massive dick Scrooge is, and Scrooge banishes him. After that, two men come to ask him for money for the poor, and Scrooge is like ‘tell them to go to the poorhouse’ and the two solicitors say that most would rather die, and Scrooge says ‘they better just die then. Massive douche,” Enj kissed R again on account of “dirty caps are dirty”. “So then, Scrooge goes home and sees his friend Marley’s ghost who tells him he will be visited by three ghosts that night, Scrooge is a little peeved about this,” Grantaire eyed the clock, realizing he was going too slow. “First ghost shows him how he looked when he was a young boy, the night he met the love of his life, and the night she left him for being a dirty capitalist,” he paused for Enjolras, “The ghost of Christmas present shows him Fred and his friends having fun without him, and even shows him that they called him an animal no one wants, not cool dude. The surprise, the number one victim of Scrooge’s unfair labor practices has a kid with polio. Scrooge gets sad, and then the last dude shows up and tells Scrooge Tiny Tim is gonna die and that Scrooge will die unloved if he doesn’t shape up.”   
Most of the group wasn’t listening, having been drunk and seated in one spot for over an hour. Grantaire grinned, “Basically, he learns the errors of his ways and suddenly understands the problems with capitalism. Woooo.”   
Gavroche clapped as loud as humanly possible, “The last event is the photo! This is going to all of our donors! We have to look nice.”  
Enjorlas grinned at Gav, “We will have an emergency meeting tomorrow for that, they aren’t gonna clean up, do you know how to play rummy, we can teach you, I’ll go make some hot cocoa.”  
And with that, Grantaire found himself around a table with his boyfriend and best friend’s brother, playing cards while his friends slipped. It was the best present we had ever gotten in his life.


End file.
